A Series Of Unfortunate Events Of JerryWho

Dear Reader,

If I were you, I would immediately turn your computer off rather than view any of the dreadful images, read any of the wretched information, laugh at any of the unnerving jokes or examine the unpleasant toys presented within this post.

You, the unwary computer user, are only a click away from learning more about A Series Of Unfortunate Events, a terrible collection of happenings that spoiled my otherwise happy and uneventful day of my life.

It began like any other day, when I woke up to the noise coming from downstairs: the TV, I told myself... but I was alone in the house... then my logical mind told me it must be my parents, because they are the ones who have the keys to my house.

Freshened, I went downstairs to find my mum making breakfast, and my dad having Nasi Lemak in the living room.

"We bought your share," Mum announced.

"Where is the Road Tax certificate?" my Dad asked.

"Err... I will pick it up from the insurance guy later," I told him.

"Eat your Nasi Lemak!" Mum ordered.

Dropping my work on hand, I took a fork and dug through the packet of rice.

"Here, have your red bean soup!" Mum shoved a huge Korean bowl of sweetened red bean soup in my face.

"Okay..." I poured the contents into my mouth and went back to work...

Then, an SMS message from HUE: "hey do u have summons to pay? i think tomorow 's the lst day."

He reminded me that if we don't pay up by tomorrow, we'll miss the 50% discount our friendly Royal Police Force offered those who ran the red lights and broken a rule or two.

"i think we have to go to MV to pay b4 4pmlah... i have one. :( i think its RM50," he added.

Since I have 2 fines to settle, I told him I'll be there.

On the way out, I dropped by the Insurance Agent, who was unfortunately missing in action.

A Malay lady came out from the back of his dubious-looking office and told me to call the numbers that were printed on the namecards stacked neatly on the table in the office.

Following instructions, I called.

"Yes! I am Mr Ng ah... You want to do road tax? what car you have?" he asked, in a friendly tone.

So, I explained what I needed him to help, telling him that my car will be unfit for the road in 5 days.

"Don't worry... we have a lot of time... I have a dinner appointment, can we meet in the morning?" he said confidently.

"Okay, I guess..." I muttered.

"Don't worry... I meet you tomorrow!" very reassuring, I thought.

So I hopped into my car and drove towards Mid Valley, Asia's Largest Shopping Mall, or so it claims...

The drive towards the Mall wasn't that bad, no traffic jams and all.

HUE called me on the phone to see if I was on my way, and since I was just leaving the carpark, I said I was, and would be meeting him in 20 minutes.

Parking, I SMS'ed HUE and found that he was just parking too.

I surfaced from the basement carpark and found the Pondok Polis (Police Hut, literally) on the ground floor situated next to the bank.

I walked passed the Pondok and found a handwritten notice that says "Bayar Saman, Trafik, TQ"

Puzzled, I went to the bank to deposit a cheque before I came back out to find out more about the notice.

Unfortunately, I am out of luck: "You have to go to Bukit Aman to pay the fines," one friendly Malaysian Polis told me.

Bukit Aman? that's very far away, and out of the way!

"I think we found the wrong police station," I called HUE, "looks like we have to go to a traffic police station."

"Yeah..."

But it was alread 4PM and it was too late to go anywhere.

"Lets get some lunch!" I offered.

"Okay..." HUE agreed, and we walked to the food court for lunch.

While standing inline for my Kakak's Special Curry Laksa, an ugly man cut my queue and called me "uncle".

Unfortunately I was too hungry to make any noise.

Finishing lunch... I gotten a call from MM, and decided to head home.

It was raining heavily and the unfortunate thing to happen was: I was running out of petrol and I missed a turn and had to make an unfortunaly huge detour to get home.

Home, MM and I went out to get some more food and decided we go watch a movie at Summit.

Land Of The Dead's zombies were not as unfortunate as me: as we were leaving the THX theatre, I realised my pocket was empty: I have lost my mobile phone!

My black Sony Ericsson T630!

We searched the theatre and I quickly rushed to the box office to seek help, hoping that the nice people at the box office could try to call my number to see if anyone would pick up the call.

Unfortunately, the guys at the box office were not so nice, and didn't help at all, so, I hurried to the nearest public phone booth to make a call.

Unfortunately, the phone was already switched off: the unfortunate tell-tale sign of your phone being stolen.

Not knowing the Maxis number to call to report my unfortunate story, I had to rush home to get the number.

"I am sorry to hear that, sir," the guy at the other end of the line said politely, and I could tell from his tone of voice, he wasn't sorry at all, "you can pick up your new sim card at any Maxis Centre, but you have to pay 60 ringgit."

Huh? I am the victim here, I just lost a 1500 ringgit mobile phone and I am being punished for it?

How more unfortunate can your life be?

AND TO THE GUY WHO STOLE MY PHONE: KNNBCCB, I wish even more unfortunate things will happen to you... YES! I curse you in the name of the cyberGODs ...nabeh! may you die of some unfortunate illness that makes you suffer 5 years that begins with you losing your dick before you lose all your hair!

... so now, here I am, dear reader, in this unfortunate crossroad of deciding between a 3G mobile phone or the Sony Ericsson W800i, and unfortunately, I am still undecided.

sigh...

I have made a solemn vow to present this information to the general public, but there is no reason why you should follow any of my stories to begin the perilous journey into A Series Of Unfortunate Events.

With all due respect,

JerryWho